It’s safe to say that upon seeing the line-up for Vogue Fest, I instantly salivated at the impressive mix of speakers – Bailey and Katrantzou and Erdem? Oh my! And such fashion talent sat alongside a wide range of eclectic names, from Mary Portas and Nigella Lawson to Edie Campbell and Pixie Geldof. I was, of course, champing at the bit to see Rachel Zoe up close and personal, simply to gauge just how teeny weeny she was – Nicole Richie or Borrower sized? You’d better believe I had an office sweepstake on her weight in edamame beans before I left the office on Friday night. Jackpot: ding – ding- don’t eat anything but dust or air!

It was, however, Tom Ford’s name that I found most arresting – the chance to hear the King of glamour, gorgeousness and – well, godlike genius after his star turn directing A Single Man- talk in close proximity. And it seemed that Vogue took this priceless opportunity to hear such key fashion names speak live… and matched this incredibly impressive lineup with a similarly impressive price tag.

Correct me if I’m wrong, but we live in financially unstable times. The Great British High Street is struggling and brands from entry level to luxury are consistently discounting. If the press are to believed, we as a nation are reigning in our spending (I must have missed that memo), and yet, Vogue priced their event tickets at a not so size zero £75. For half a day. A quick glance round the event assured me that a considerable amount of attendees were lucky enough to work in the fashion industry and therefore perhaps, like myself and my colleague, able to expense their ticket under the guise of a sartorial school trip. But another look round the room (and not just to gawp at the extraordinary outfits), made it abundantly clear that a similar number were fashion students relying on their student loan. And for them, despite the fact many stayed for the whole day, would find £75 (or even £150), a tricky price to style out.

I was interested to read a quote from Vogue Editor Alexandra Shulman, via the Business of Fashion, explaining, ‘Right from the get go, this was about making it affordable for the general public’. Well, congratulations for showing that Vogue has such little grasp on reality – whilst I understand that the magazine is an aspirational bible for fashion and style, in this particular climate, fashion publications, whatever their format, need to grasp the reality of our current landscape. Bravo to ELLE who mix and match the high to low end – and so, too, to Look, Grazia and a whole other host of glossies who succeed in showcasing that money can’t buy you style (but it can certainly help…). In the case of Look, it’s particularly interesting that their seasonal fashion shows are accessible via a datacapture and competition mechanic – no money exchanges hands for these tickets. And, ironically, an attendee would certainly get more bang for their buck – a full fashion show, canapés, drinks and a goodybag to finish. Not bad for free…

So whilst the speakers at Vogue were inspirational, and unequivocally industry leading, I found it hard to understand what the £75 entrance fee covered – the venue hire and exquisite décor? For I wonder how many of these names were paid to be interviewed live and how many did it as a mutually beneficial promotional tool, and to score all important brownie points with Vogue’s PR and editorial team? If the magazine were trying to position this as an educational event, enriching the lives of its readers and offering a full lifestyle experience, they’d have done well to offer a richer experience for the money, and less of the feeling that we might have been paying to enrich their brand… the additional activity of a handful of lacklustre cosmetic stands and a paid-for café didn’t really lift this event to anything you wouldn’t see at any run of the mill fashion bash or – dare I say it – the hell on earth that is The Clothes Show and fashion frenzy that is London Fashion Weekend.

Vogue Festival was an opportunity for the brand to assert itself and to mark its point of difference. The idea of creating a ‘live’ experience, a chance to watch Vogue interviews in action and draw behind the fashion curtain was admirable… but there was a lack of closeness to the brand or any kind of intimacy – indeed, despite arriving over 45 minutes early to watch Tom Ford’s interview, there was no room to watch unless on the balcony, which quickly became packed to the rafters, many attendees standing throughout the duration in their sky high heels. So not chic. Similarly, news travelled that the smaller workshops were heavily oversubscribed (we were warned to leave Tom Ford early in order to watch a customisation class – not over your White Patchouli, sweetheart) and by midday on Saturday, the queue of people waiting to watch the talk between photographer Tim Walker and former Vogue fashion director Kate Phelan (now at Topshop) had snaked all the way around the building.

If this was a chance to be intimate with a brand, it had, albeit spectacularly, failed. Why not more realistically cap the number of tickets for the space? Why not host the event for more than 4 sessions? Why not allow customers a real taste of the fashion lifestyle and host a fabulous fashion show – no doubt there would have been brands clamouring to sponsor a style platform like that?

So whilst goodwill amongst attendees seemed to be akin to finding a Mulberry half price on the first day of Sale, I couldn’t help but be a little sceptical. Could the Vogue office not have decamped to the venue to really show a ‘live’ scene direct from Vogue HQ, with the editors fiercely writing their next article? Shulman insisted, ‘All along I was very keen that it would have other things, that it would not just be talks. I wanted it to have events going on around it’, however, the opportunity to have your photo appear on the front of your very own Vogue cover – whilst fun and kitsch – did, in this landscape of digital innovation, just feel a little passé. Whilst Vogue were ahead of the curve with their iPad app and Vogue Night Out initiative, couldn’t they have done something a little more exciting at such a key event for them? Could it have been the perfect opportunity to exploit geo-location marketing, or explore online video? What fantastic content could have been created to go viral afterwards? What might have been if the fashionable speakers had been allowed to generate their own content to host online at Vogue.com? And why weren’t the interviews live streamed but made exclusive by an RSVP mechanic beforehand therefore creating a real time event for those who wanted to participate outside of the event’s four walls? I find it incredibly hard to believe this would have jeopardised ticket sales.

The Vogue Festival was undoubtedly a success in terms of attendees – the four sessions completely sold out and, apart from a sense of overcrowding throughout the day, there was a real buzz in the air. However, for Vogue to position themselves as a credible and forward thinking fashion brand who don’t rely solely on their heritage, reputation and contacts, the next event needs to not simply bank its success on the names on stage. Similarly, there needs to be a concentrated effort on what could maintain the exclusive nature of proceedings without the hefty price tag (it was noticeable that the headline sponsor was luxury mobile phone company Vertu – not exactly the to-go to brand for the average 18 – 30 year old fashion fan. Unless they accessorised their latest outfit with a hefty trust fund). Whilst I had huge fun watching the irrepressibly charming, and genuinely inspiring Tom Ford talk during his Q and A session, it was the lack of other activity, innovation and simply space to move and explore other areas of the Vogue brand that meant for me, this event fell short of a runaway (or should that be runway?) success. I would, however, like to thank Vogue for creating the most pointless and fruitless epic crush of all time in the shape of Tom Ford. CALL ME.

…And here’s what I wore! As street snapped by the lovely blogger Ashley the Fashionista…
ASOS playsuit, customised leather gilet with H&M faux fur collar, Mulberry Bayswater handbag, Michael Kors watch, Miss Selfridge necklace, Rayban Wayfarer sunglasses and Topshop boots.

Do you remember that moment during Sex and the City when Carrie Bradshaw realises ‘I will literally be the old woman who lives in her shoes?’ Well I have a confession to make: my long term career plan is to be a mad bag woman and I am proud. Ish… Those of you who know me (and my wardrobe) will know my fetishism for all things arm candy reaches deep breathing into paper bags near Chanel, powerless stroking of anything Mulberry-shaped, belonging to strangers or otherwise, and a deep disdain that it’s predominantly frowned upon to sell a kidney to buy the latest ‘it’ bag. You only need one after all, guys…

When it comes to shoes I’m lured by loafers and pumps by day and ankle boots by night -so I was delighted when Bertie got in touch to invite me into their Covent Garden store and take a peek at their latest ranges.  The Beatles were on the stereo, I had the most gorgeously soft Chelsea ankle boots with easy wear wedges on my feet and I had an all round lovely time. The Bertie gang have shared not only my footwear choices but my guide to East London on their blog – read all about it here (and pray that Mulberry get in touch and ask me to do the same with their handbags. Well, a girl can dream…)

Bertie according to me is here.
Catch up with blogger Jazzabelle sharing her shoe story here.
Say thank you to lovely blogger Jemsy14 for taking these snaps for me here.

To the backdrop of my ever glamorous Old Street offices, outfit deets as follows:
Photo 1 + 3: Urban Outfitters playsuit, Topshop coat, Forever 21 cross necklace and rings, Chanel logo necklace, Mulberry handbag, Michael Kors watch, Bertie boots.

Photo 2: Primark playsuit, New Look coat, New Look fur collar, TK Maxx handbag, Urban Outfitters pendant, Ray Ban Wayfarer sunglasses, Bertie Boots.

…So I’d also hazard a guess that, if you’re a normal human being, the words ‘detox’ and ‘spring clean’ in conjunction with your dressing room / hot pink Argos clothes rail (here she is) / walk in wardrobe etc etc fill you with as much dread as the idea of the Steps comeback tour. You may have slumped after your recent battle with the Sales -elbows sharpened, no pushing at the back please – but did you find the Sales themselves felt a little lacklustre, like they’d lost their style sparkle?

I’m not talking about the product directly (who doesn’t need a neon yellow crop top in January and YES mum, I’ll wear those rabbit fur ear muffs all year round, OK?) , but rather the means that the shops tried to flog their old season product, which in many cases, had barely touched down in store before its prices were slashed. Did you feel the shops looked a bit distressed, a little depressed and generally a bit of a mess this time of year? Gone are the days when Boxing Day promotions might be the only means to tempt you from your Christmas stupor and the guiding star of that all important Sale bargain to draw you from Turkey, Mince Pie and charades to… well, a bit of a charade really.

Promiscuous. Canny. Hard to please. Your ex-boyfriend, maybe, but also a new breed of shoppers that have been honed in the current financial climate. Gone are the days when you might have, say, a list of your top 3 stores you’d religiously shop at. A bit like football teams for girls (and the sales assistants were a lot better looking than Rooney), shopping was a near-religious experience at the altar of your favourite few brands you’d visit week in week out for your latest must haves or that very special occasion. Now however, who doesn’t hunt out the best possible price by scouring Voucher Codes for an elusive 10% discount, rips out a 25% offer in that week’s fashion glossy or stumbles across a special 20% off on email just because it’s Tuesday? Who hasn’t based their dinner that evening on the restaurant offering 2 for 1 or held out til Wednesday to see a film with Orange? The future is bright for consumers, and these offers are dictating when our desire and demand for shopping is most fervent – but it’s also ensuring we’re used to a discounts throughout the year. When Sale does come around as clockwork – who cares? Will that first 30% off really swing it for us on a tired old top we snapped up 2 months earlier when it had 25% off with Grazia Magazine? Unlikely at best.

These constant promotions on the high street have also created a sense of confidence in us as shoppers, a kind of us against them for the retailers. Finally, we feel like we know how much product must really cost. As we swagger into stores (in heels – quite the coup), we know that if our favourite brands can offer 25% off their new collections at a drop of a hat – and presumably not lose out – why on earth would we pay the original and clearly inflated price? This undermines the price tag when Sale finally comes round – so much so that when retailers boast ’70% off! And an extra 10% off today only!’ we’re not thinking ‘gee THANKS!’, we’re grumbling that they think they can get away with the clearly inflated original price the rest of the year . Now, this is not always fair – brands do start to make a loss when they seriously slash prices at the end of Sale to clear their old stock, but when you feel a million dollars in your latest purchase, remember that the last time you paid full whack for a piece that may have been made for less than 25% of the asking price, the brand you purchased it from was probably feeling pretty made up, too.

So whilst there always seems to be some kind of offer or promotion available for most high street brands (whilst trying to remember your account password for online stores – “JackWhiteHallLovesMe2000″ in my case – who hasn’t popped off to google for a promotional code on the off chance you might get an extra 10% off or at least free postage and packaging for your efforts?), it’s the regularity of these promotions that’s so telling. So too, what seems to be a mad rush for retailers to go into their Sale first. A whole host launched theirs in early-mid December meaning by the time it got to Christmas the shops were a mess (but at least the late shoppers amongst us could shop with serious savings. Smug, much – and yes, I would like that £1.99 bracelet gift wrapped, suckers). It also meant that by the time these same sales were dragged out all over Christmas and out the other side they started to look really tired. 75% off! Further reductions! More lines added! We’ll pay YOU to take it off our hands, good people! By this time, and with magazines looking towards Spring / Summer 2012 (whilst we might still have been very much in our onesie, face down in the remnants of our Christmas selection boxes thank you very much), there was a definite feel that we were champing at the bit for something new, something exciting and not the latest collection marred by rails filled with cut-price dresses we STILL didn’t want in a size 4 or 18 with 3 buttons missing and orange foundation stain on the collar – even if it WAS at 97% off. (Then again…)

There were some brands who did it and did it right – and those who can create some excitement about product in addition to the discount are doing something significantly different. Exclusive and preview sales  are always a way to keep things feeling more Prada than Poundland and create loyalty amongst us customers, a kind of ‘we’re in the know’ club. And those who do it short and sharp seem to maintain credibility – Topshop are so rare to discount that when they do, it really is cause for a song, dance and serious battering of the old credit card. The online preview meant us email subscribers felt rewarded and also marked the eve of when we were going to brave the rails instore for the stuff that hadn’t sold out online. Selfridges, too, started late – Christmas Day online and Boxing Day instores. With their luxury offer, and typical restraint to discount, this was also a hugely attractive place to join the Sale scrum. (True story: during my days working at Selfridges, we had cases of mad shopaholics sprinting up escalators running in the opposite direction, so determind were they to get their sticky mitts on designer handbags before anyone else in the Christmas Sales. Good will to all men (but eff off any woman who came became them and the Miu Miu tote bag they’d had their eye on all season…)).

So what’s the answer? Well for us customers, I guess we’re laughing – up to our eyeballs with offers and then with bi-annual Sales on top of that (oh and mid season Sale and everything else). But what about for the poor retailers? There’s no doubt that big reductions bring big spending, even if it IS at a discount rate, but whilst eating into those all important margins and ultimately, creating a vicious circle it will be really hard to get out of. Can you imagine ever buying anything at full price unless it was the dress of your dreams? Forget finding your Prince, finding brands that can sell the majority of their stock at full price (without offering you buy one get one free, trade in your granny for the designer handbags of your choice or without yet another extra 20% off) is a REAL fairytale for those retail Chief Execs… Good luck to them!

Ever since I saw Harry One Direction (just keep that direction towards me, sunshine…) wearing his oversized babygro, there’s been a certain je ne sais quoi about onesies – and OnePiece seemed to have dovetailed this casualwear zeitgeist with the shopability of American Apparel offering a veritable Techincolour Dreamcoat selection of colours and styles. I’ll warn you, as the celebrity following suggests – the range at OnePiece ain’t cheap: the American Flag style I was eyeing up to relive the glory of the Rex Kwan Do teacher in Napoleon Dynamite (“Take a look at what I’m wearing, people….You think anybody thinks I’m a failure because I go home to Starla at night? Forget about it!”) cashed in at a not so casual £160. Snuggle off. But if people will pay a minimum of £130 for Ugg boots which are basically glorified slippers, and £60 for Wildfox t-shirts which often remind me of Pilot circa 1997 (RIP), there is no doubt there will be a market for a OnePiece in the A list wardrobe. (Who’s waiting for product placement in Made in Chelsea, TOWIE and the much touted, and close neighbour to Box Park, The Only Way is Dalston? All in favour, say aye!)

Norweigan’s finest may not be recession budget proof, but baby, it’s cold outside and if we can’t afford to go out we may as well embrace luxury loungewear. So, will I be seen casually wearing a OnePiece when I pop down to Tesco for a bottle of Lambrini carton of milk? Certainly not. For fear of never being able to go to the toilet in less than 25 minutes ever again and also, predominantly, the fear that if I ever put one of these wearable blankets on, I may never take it off… Make your Onesie Direction to OnePiece in Boxpark, open now, and see if you can resist The One.

This week, I’ve become the proud new owner of a pair of loafers from Debenhams, courtesy of H! by Henry Holland (if you want to buy online, make sure you visit Voucher Codes for ongoing discounts here). Impeccably well timed as I recently appear to have lost approximately 3 inches in height since forgoing heels for flats. The underneath of my office desk is a veritable graveyard for heels (“in case of emergency meeting  / last minute date, break glass”) and my mother has exclaimed “I DIDN’T RECOGNISE YOU” on several occasions upon spying my comparably diminutive stature (at 5 foor 7 and three quarters…). Sorry mum. For everything.

Constantly intrigued by Henry Holland, my thought process usually consists of the following: style over substance? Lucky break? Henry Holland himself as a media brand vs the clothes as a cute sideline? I am currently particularly interested that he’s joined the fold of Debenhams designers, which is growing increasingly impressive – see also: Jonathan Saunders and Matthew Williamson. The male equivalent of an ‘it girl’, Henry’s über cool clan of mates including Agyness Deyn, Nick Grimshaw, the Geldofs et al meant I was surprised he’d chosen to design for this classic, yet eminently middle of the road high street heavy weight. Which I typically regard as about as cool as a watching an episode of Hollyoaks with a ready meal on a Monday night. I never quite buy into the argument that a diffusion range actually raises awareness and sales of the main line collection and can only imagine our Henners saw the pound signs as bold as his ‘Flick Yer Bean for Agyness Deyn’ slogan t-shirt.

The range, however, seems popular – the prices in line with the high street, if not slightly cheaper, and a couple of stand out pieces including polka dots, studded trainers and knitwear with kitsch animal adornment. And so too – the loafers I was sent. In man made materials (these could have been so much more luxe in softest suede, something New Look achieve on this same price bracket), I did love the heritage style horse adornment to the front. My only issue? They do feel very stiff, as though you’d wear them out for their first outing – and return crippled, accessorised by a box of Hello Kitty plasters. That may just be me. However, at £28 (or, in my case, free), they’re a lot more interesting than 90% of the Topshop range of flat shoes and if anyone asks where they’re from? Wistfully explaining (read: cheekily editing the full response to) ‘oh they’re Henry Holland…’ should just about do the fashion trick.

On a serious note though – if you’re contemplating launching a blog, I have some advice. And in the words of a popular sportswear brand, it’s ‘Just Do It’. I couldn’t possibly list the wonderful things have happened from what I worried might just have been a reclusive hobby and a break from selling my wardrobe cast offs on eBay, for fear of potentially being buried alive under a mountain of my own clothes. Again. But from the sublime (drinking free cocktails on a far too regular basis) to the ridiculous (icing cupcakes opposite JLS. Now put your hands UP…)), being sent a whole host of gorgeous gifts, receiving invites to fashion shows, offered sneak previews of brands’ new ranges and new retail destinations before they’ve even opened and meeting some truly wonderful people along the way, it’s been a dreamboat. And most importantly, it’s hugely cathartic and self-empowering to have a voice where previously brands spoke at you rather than with you. So stay tuned! And I hear you all wanted to buy me the Mulberry Autumn / Winter collection to ensure the occasion was marked in style? You SHOULDN’T have (you should have…)

I’ll admit it. There will only be one major faux pas when Westfield Stratford City opens its doors on September 13th, an approximate 8 minute bus journey from my front door. That major fail? My imminent financial downfall. Yes, I’ll have a hot date with my overdraft and you’re all invited. Now, I’m lucky enough to have enjoyed a behind the scenes tour of the Westfield construction site (high vis jacket and hard hat in tow – chic) and I’m also lucky enough to be there on the opening weekend for the Look Fashion Show; Champagne in hand, eyes peeled for celebs and my urge to shop never greater. That’s a given. However, a second fashion fail has recently raised its ugly head prior to launch, and that’s the centre’s viral video.

Now, if you read my last blog post about the Lanvin Autumn/Winter campaign – see too, Harvey Nicks declaring their puppy love last year – you’ll know I appreciate a good viral video. So when I read the blurb about the new Westfield teaser, I had the same levels of excitement as spotting a Sample Sale from 50 paces. Read: “This film is a 100 year countdown to the grand opening of Westfield Stratford City on September 13th 2011, and celebrates a century of East London fashion, dance and music. Directed by Jake Lunt with The Viral Factory, the film was shot over 4 days in east London locations with hundreds of costume changes.” So far so good… I’m expecting a real taste of the East London I live, work and play in – something I’d been somewhat wary of the Westfield staff in suits achieving up until now. What would they do to acclimatise – take their lunchbreak in the Old Blue Last? Buy their workwear from Beyond Retro? Enjoy after work drinks in The Joiners? The mind boggled…

…And alas, that fear was right. If a key aim for Westfield is to cement itself into the local community then why is the setting for each scene some generic urban backdrop that could literally be anywhere at any time? Where was the Gherkin? St Pauls? Canary Wharf? MY FLAT? OK, OK, I’m joking about the last one, but my fears were realised that there was no nod to easily recognisable landmarks. Instead of Borough Market and The Tower of London, we were given a row of car garages. Last seen by East Londoners only if they were the venue for some kind of illegal rave.

And so onto the brave statement of channelling 100 years of fashion. Interesting because surely if Westfield are to tempt shoppers outside of their usual retail destination, they need to offer them something above and beyond just fashion, which is obviously Westfield’s unique selling point; as well as their seriously impressive array of shops, they offer approximately one squillion restaurants, cinemas, several hotels… even a bowling alley for gawd’s sake! They are the place to live and breathe shopping AND leisure, so surely promoting this should have been the main marketing objective for anyone new to the brand or who would need tempting out of their typical shopping routine?

So whilst 100 years is a nice hook for presenting a retrospective of fashion… why 100 years? It’s a bit like me celebrating my next birthday (21…. for the 7th time) by showcasing the last millennium, just to ensure my party goes with a real bang. Sure, it’s a nice enough trip down memory lane, but what’s the significance of 100 years for Westfield? To bring customers closer to the heart of this massive brand, wouldn’t it have been more useful to show what had happened in the years that Westfield had been in the UK… or even what they had achieved in the time they’d been in London? And to truly secure their credentials in this new location, why not outreach to the huge fashion talent also working in East London? Christopher Kane et al: here’s looking at you, kids.

And from diverse talent to diversity, here’s the elephant in the room: the characters seen on screen are only ever white. As such, there’s absolutely zero reference paid to the diverse community in East London – well, apart from a cheeky cameo appearance by a sitar in the soundtrack. This is an argument I couldn’t possibly tackle in just one blog post but in terms of Westfield understanding its new neighbours? It’s a spectacular fail.

Unsurprisingly, this video has still achieved good coverage so far. Well, if you count Whitney Port’s description of it as “ridiculously awesome”, which I can give or take after watching The City box set. Wowzers. But it’s telling that the Guardian revealed they reviewed the video on their website because, if nothing else, they “bet that was a styling nightmare.” What may have been easier would have been creating – and sticking to –  a successful brief for this launch video that got us talking about the viral for all the right reasons.

It may be EVERYWHERE, you might not be able to swing your Mulberry Tillie without knocking over a rack of magazines celebrating it, but imagine you hadn’t read the fashion editorial hyperbole before you’d set eyes on this footage. Do you remember the last time high end fashion was this FUN? Sure, there’s been some notable talkability points in recent months – think: Kate Moss smoking on the Louis Vuitton catwalk (SO risqué! Well, it would be, if we didn’t have a sneaky suspicion there were many more debauched activities happening backstage than – gasp! – cigarette smoking, legal for Ms Moss for over 20 years), the imminent Versace range for H&M (get in my way on the opening day; risk Grevious Bodily Harm) and Beyonce et al modelling for Tom Ford’s extravaganza of fashion in December, a carnival of cool. All fashion water cooler moments for the masses. However, this was different – not another bleedin’ glossy double page spread that cost more than the national debt gracing the first 2983782638723 pages of Vogue and featuring models holding the latest pug / tiger cub / hamster, whichever animal was the latest must have that season, nor a model just nonchalantly hanging out naked next to an oversized perfume bottle (not how I typically get my kicks on a Saturday night but each to their own…) or sitting on the back of a horse midway though frolicking in the nearest field (I live in East London. We’re not in Kansas anymore).

So over to the Lanvin video campaign, ripe for going more viral than flu (almost 100,000 hits so far)… et Lanvin, je t’aime. I love the eurodisco-worthy soundtrack. I love that none of the models look the least bit comfortable and dance a little like your uncle at a wedding. Drunk. And most of all, I love the clothes that look absolutely fabulous throughout, without being pinned and airbrushed to within an inch of their stylish lives, nor contorted on a model in some ridiculous position you’d only be able to master after several advanced classes of Yoga and a few missing ribs. For your average shopper, where it can be difficult to name more than, say, five to ten designer brands that are teeming with their own distinctive personality (to the point where if you removed the logo from their ad campaigns, you’d still be able to immediately guess the fashion house behind it), this is Lanvin lapping their competitors. In sky high heels. Sure, we might not all be able to run to our nearest Harvey Nichols and pre-order the clothes in the video, but creating a connection with a luxury brand, a talking point, a connection and an aspiration, whilst energising word of mouth amongst fashion fans? Well, this video has just proved its special ‘je ne sais quoi’ a thousand times over. And what I love most of all? The cameo appearance by Lanvin’s Artistic Director Alber Elbaz. Taking you straight to the heart of the brand, his cameo shows you can’t put a price on having this kind of recognisable face. Well you can – and in Apple’s case, it’s a measurable loss of 5.4% in shares when they depart. Lanvin: this is love. And when you lend me the off-shoulder dress as worn by Karen Elson, I promise I’ll wear it for the rest of my Lanvin-loving life. À bientôt.

I have a confession to make. It’s not big, it’s certainly not clever, and it’s a filthy habit that leaves me feeling slightly dirty afterwards. A Stars at GCSE? Check! A Levels to make any parent proud? Check! A 2:1 degree from a Redbrick University? Hire ME Sir Alan! But here’s the rub: on every single working day (and sometimes, the habit even extends to the weekends, too), I religiously turn to dailymail.co.uk for my celebrity gossip fix.

There, I said it.

And you know what else? Whilst working at a luxury department store HQ, the aforementioned site was the most visited amongst us girls and gays in Marketing and PR. It spread quicker than this season’s must have handbag and was the trigger for office debate more frequently than a trip to the water cooler. And I know we weren’t alone. Let me assure you however,  that whilst none of us ever bought the Daily Mail in print, we all dutifully logged on every lunchtime for Cheryl’s latest hair colour, Beyonce’s new hot pants and The Saturdays’ finest blowdry. I know what you’re thinking and yes, you’re right: HARD. HITTING. NEWS.

This week though, something wasn’t right. Whilst the website was, as ever, updated with impressively frequent content, perfect for that next showbiz fix during a mid-afternoon slump, the stories hit new lows. Exhibit A: Natalie Cassidy (aka Sonia Eastender’s) new hair do as a lead story? Sure. Exhibit B: a complete twisting of Mila Kunis’ words, alleging that she preached ‘People who say they can’t lose weight are lying’? ‘Fraid so. And exhibit C: perhaps one of the Mail’s lowest attempts at editorial, from this hive of breaking news. Read it and weep my friends:

Headline: “Leggy Gossip Girls Blake Lively and Leighton Meester share a short moment on set”

They’re colleagues! They’re actors in the same programme! Their characters are best friends and, ergo, are predominantly shot in the same scenes! They….. spend a moment on set together! Hold the front page people.

Opening line: “They’re both stunning in very different ways, but both Blake Lively and Leighton Meester are skilled at wearing a high hem well.”

No shit, Sherlock. Leighton is newly the face for Vera Wang perfume and the unbelievably gorgeous  face of Chanel, Blake, has nabbed Leonardo diCaprio. One’s blonde and one’s brunette. Anyone bar Steve Wonder could have told you that. But thank GOD the Daily Mail are here, to reassure us that despite their (gasp!) contrasting hair colour, they’re both  ”skilled at wearing a high hem well”. At this point, I immediately updated my CV with just that particular talent under “Experience and Skills”. Awaiting a call from Mary Portas any minute now… And, yeps, I’m still waiting.

“And the Gossip Girl stars had a brief respite from their hectic filming schedule on New York’s Upper West Side to compare notes today.

Blake, 23 , looked lovely in black and white, pulling off not only a short skirt but stripes in both horizontal and vertical directions on her dress.”

Now. I’m a shopaholic. My friends are shopaholics. Even my mum’s a shopaholic for gawd’s sake. I can, however, resolutely assure you that we’ve never compared notes on our separate ensembles, and I’m sure if Blake and Leighton were comparing notes about anything, it was whether the former had yet made Leo feel like he’s the King of the World . Cheeky. But I digress, for lest we forget, Blake has achieved the inimitable feat of pulling off NOT ONLY a short skirt but stripes in BOTH HORIZONTAL AND VERTICAL DIRECTIONS. How does the woman do it? How does she wear a dress AND hold down a full time career as an actress? Does she have time to squeeze in meals and sleep too? What a woman. Daily Mail – get the Nobel Peace Prize in the bag and I’ll put the Champers on ice.

“That’s a massive no no for anyone with lumps and bumps (in the wrong places), but as Blake’s boyfriend Leo DiCaprio can no doubt attest to, there’s nothing to hide when it comes to her figure.”

So just to make clear. Lumps and bumps are fine. “Lumps and bumps (in the wrong places)”? Oi vey… it doesn’t bear thinking about. But thank goodness that yes, despite stating the bleedin’ obvious, Leo can attest that Blake is buff.  And we can rest easy at night. But there’s trouble ahead… and it’s in the shape of sportswear.

“27-year-old Leighton, on the other hand, is a veritable pocket Venus and manages to hold her own against the statuesque blonde, despite the fact that she’s dressed down in cut-off denim shorts and Adidas.

Later in the day, Blake and Leighton put on their costumes to film some scenes for the hit CW series. Ed Westwick also joined the girls on set.”

At this point, I swiveled round in my chair and chose to get my kicks from watching paint dry. And yes, I can assure you that that was infinitely more rewarding. Whilst this piece of ‘journalism’ (tellingly, this editorial is attributed to ‘Daily Mail Reporter’ rather than a named journalist), it’s interesting that it fails so miserably to capture any gossip from the set of the perfectly titled Gossip Girl. Lest we forget, this book and television series intelligently predicted the boom in social media, user generated content and the power of online communities. Do we think characters Blair and Serena would upload anything as mind-numbingly dull as their nondescript outfits on their on-screen social network? I think not. Roll on Series 5 of Gossip Girl for a dose of how to share newsworthy content and until then, I’ll be searching elsewhere for my one and only source into the scandalous lives of Manhattan’s elite. You know you love me, xoxo.

Suffering from insomnia? You can read the full, original article here.

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